The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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