I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
