heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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