i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
