Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
