So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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