In the future we'll all be gay
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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