Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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