Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
