don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
