y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
