there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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