i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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