well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
