please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
