Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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