Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
