I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
