My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
