You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
