I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
