You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
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I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize