he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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