So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
