let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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