In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
