You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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