just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
