I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
