When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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