that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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