Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
