Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
