she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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