I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
