I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
