Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
