we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
