They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
