I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
