If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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