btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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