If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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