Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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