My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
