I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
