If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
