If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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