awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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