you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
