i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
