i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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