He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
