i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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