highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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