U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
