Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
