I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
