I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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