Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
