I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
