don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
