hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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