Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you would pick up someone in the library
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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