Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
