im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
