So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
