I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize