wat bout pragnant strippers??
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
