I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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