I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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