Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
