Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
