My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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