the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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