i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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