Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
