Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dick very happy bro
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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