I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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