She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
