i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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