honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
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You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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